Tohru Poop Brains: Boycotted Innocence
by Teh Future Mrs. Kyo Sohma
Summary: Tohru a perverted little scum bag? Who would have thought! Oh, it's just terrible. I bet you can't go another minute without reading how she turns into a pervo, a Nymph and a moron, all in the one week! [COMPLETED]
1. A donkey just called upon me for sex

**A/N:**

**I really wanted to do a Tohru one, so I thought, "Stuff it. I'm gonna do it"**

**And I did, damn you!**

**Disclaimer: I'm not Natsuki Takaya.**

**Warnings: Pervertedness, language, OOC.**

**Yay!**

-

I got told, the other day, that I was boycotted.

-

The only thing I boycott is the porn industry.

-

"How do you do that, Tohru?"

"Simple Momiji, my boy. Well, first you send in some naked pictures of yourself and a couple hundred dollars. Next thing you know, your in Playboy!"

"Wow!"

-

I tried to brush Kisa's hair this morning.

Then I remembered she's only showered once in her 12 years of existence.

-

"Waah! Tohru! Your hurting me!"

"Well Kisa, if you just washed yourself…"

"But I'm Kyo!"

"…"

"I'm sorry sissy. I just wanted to trick you"

-

Akito asked me to buy her some tampons, yesterday.

I was shocked and ashamed.

-

"Kyo, can you believe it? That BITCH wants me to buy her tampons. Think of all the things she's done to me! She tried to run me down with her car, she pulled my hair, she pushed me off a cliff, she tried to erase my memories… the list goes on"

"Let's ask Collin what he thinks. Collin?"

"Well, Kyo, I think that Tohru should go out and buy the tampons. It seems she is like the Sohma's slave anyway. Not like one extra job will kill her"

-

The very next day, I dropped dead.

Collin took back what he said.

So I became alive again.

-

"Your alive, Tohru!"

"Yes Akito, I am. And I got those tampons too (hands)"

"Thankyou!"

-

It feels good to make people happy.

-

Especially when you fuck them.

-

"But my flower, I thought you were a virgin!"

"How could you say that? We had a foursome! Me, you, Yuki and Kyo!"

"…"

"How could you forget!"

"I think you were dreaming"

"…Ooohh…. That explains a lot"

-

Damn him! Stupid Shigure and his stupidness.

I should throw a boner at him.

I m-mean a bone…

-

"Have a bone!"

"Yay!"

"…"

-

Last week at school, I kept imagining that everything everyone said was a perverted remark.

-

"Lets have sex!"

"Huh?"

"I said lets have lunch. Tohru, your hearing is really bad"

"Sorry Uo"

-

"I want to do you!"

"Huh?"

"I said I want to do tea with you. Miss Honda, I think your hearing is getting worse…"

"Sorry Yuki"

-

"I want to fuck you!"

"Huh?"

"I said I want to fuck you. Sheesh Tohru, your deafer than me!"

"Sorry Kyo"

-

Wait!

What did Kyo just say?

-

"You want me to tell you again?"

"Yes"

"…"

-

I've now gone a WEEK without knowing what he said.

I feel so stupid, Mum.

-

"Woooo… I am your Mum's ghost! You feel stupid, because you are stooooopid… woooo!"

"Mum?"

"Yeeeessss…. Also, have seexxxx with Hiiiiroooooo!"

"…"

"Whaaaat?"

"Hiro, get out from behind that TV"

"Sorry, dumbass"

"Hey, I'm no dumb ass. You said my ass was hott (cries)"

"…"

-

Hiro's such a sexy little bastard.

-

I wish I was Hatori.

I'd get to see my lover, everyday!

-

Damn him!

-

"Umm… Tohru?"

"Yes?"

"Your… thinking out loud again"

"ISN'T THAT A BIT OLD, HATORI?"

"…"

"GET A NEW CATCHPHRASE, MORON"

-

Damn Hatori.

Everywhere I go, there's Hatori.

-

Shigure's gay to the poor barstard.

-

Oh well.

-

What can ya do?

-

"There is a lot you can do, nowadays. You can be very dolphin friendly, you can plant trees in a suburban area for kids to chop down and poke eyes out with… yeah…"

"Yuki, I don't recall asking you"

"Then who were you asking?"

"Umm… Kyo"

"Kyo isn't even in the room"

"Then I was talking to… the coffee table. Come here little coffee table… (kisses)"

"…"

-

Me and the coffee table are getting married.

-

"Your kidding, right?"

"Yeah man, gotcha there"

"HAHAHA!"

"…"

-

I should have gone out with my gang on New Years Eve, instead of hanging around with those Sohma guys. It would have been a lot more fun to trash people's houses.

-

"Oh well. You had fun, didn't you?"

"…No"

-

Oh crap!

-

A donkey just called upon me for sex.

-

Bye!

-

**A/N:**

**Well. That was sure… strange…**

**Review! Please?**


	2. Damn Yuki and his damnable damnness

**A/N:**

**What do YOU think?**

**About… anything? **

-

I kidnapped a little boy, the other week.

-

I'm pretty sure you can guess what we did.

-

"I can't!"

"Like you can say that, Yuki. You're a pervert too!"

"…Sorry"

-

Damn Yuki and his damnable damn-ness.

-

"FREEZE!"

"What do you mean freeze, please, I'm a human being Mr. Officer! I'm already on my knees! I can't get on the ground any further!"

"You're a man?"

"No, Mr. Officer"

"Get on the damn ground"

"…Rude"

-

Mr. Officer in the end was Hiro in a police officer suit.

We had hot, yaoi sex.

-

"Tohru, how many times do I have to tell you? It wasn't YAOI!"

"Why?"

"Because your not a MAN!"

"Please stop saying the last word in capitals,"

"I don't see why I SHOULD"

"…"

-

I ran into a friend, the other day.

He introduced me to a brothel.

-

That's my new job, now.

Working at a brothel is fun.

-

"How?"

"Because Ritsu, I make money, I get sexual pleasure and I make other people happy! That's all I want to do in life!"

"…I'm sorry"

-

Everyone said they felt sorry for me.

-

"It's not like me to say something like this Tohru, but you can do BETTER!"

"Thanks Kyo, but I like working a brothel. Just like you like working at… umm.."

"I don't have a job,"

"You do so!"

"…LIES!"

-

In the end, there were no lies, because Kyo has a job.

At…. THE SAME PLACE AS ME GASP!

-

"I don't work there, stupid. I go there to get sexual pleasure"

"Kyo, you CAN do better!"

"…Shut up"

-

Last weekend, me and Hana went out for lunch.

It was nice.

-

She asked me random things about random things.

Hells yeah.

-

"So, how's everyone?"

"Not bad, I have to admit. They're usually terrible. Oh, apart from Rin. She got all her hair hacked off with a chainsaw"

"Poor girl…"

-

That made me think, "Why did Akito do that?"

-

So, I went and asked.

-

Akito told me if I didn't fuck off she would hack all my hair off. And my head.

-

"How can you say that when I bought you tampons! (cries)"

"…Sorry, but I don't return favours… EVER"

"Gasp!"

-

That terrible! How could you NOT ever return favours!

Such a bi-atch.

-

"See, this is why Kyo said that Yuki's Mum is a bitch,"

"Yuki isn't my son, Tohru"

"YES HE IS, AKITO DON'T LIE"

"…"

"HAHAHA I WIN!"

"I think I would know if I had a son or not, bitch,"

-

Then I realized, she was probably right.

-

Damn.

-

Score!

Akito – 5.

Tohru – 3.

-

This sucks. I need to pick up the pace!

-

I asked Akito to have a showdown with me.

-

"In the old proverb 'How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?', how much can it chuck?"

"Balls"

"Oh gasp! You weren't supposed to know that!"

"I do, though. Everyone does. That's easy!"

"(offended)"

-

Akito is such a bitch.

-

I never want to speak to her again.

-

"You know you will. You have to!"

"Kureno, just because you are attached to the stalker she-male doesn't mean everyone else is. Just because you would give up your love of Uo to her, doesn't mean everyone else would. You suck, Kureno! YOUR NOT IN THE ANIME!"

"…I'm hurt"

-

Haha. I am winning in my fight against Kureno.

-

Oh damn,

-

I'm late for work, now!

-

Bye!

-

**A/N:**

**Haha… as you can see, when it comes to the end of the chapter, I am doing something different with this one. Yay!**


	3. Make my boobies one more Size!

**A/N:**

**This chapter is based around three songs which aren't mine.**

"**Make My Boobies One More Size", "Coconuts" and "They Grew Like Crazy".**

**Poor flat-chested Tohru. I'm 12 and I have bigger boobs than her –snicker-**

-

My chest was supposed to grow!

My cleavage isn't right, yo!

I want my sweater to be tight!

-

"Why don't you go have surgery, then?"

"GREAT IDEA KYO! YOU'LL BE FIRST TO PLAY WITH THEM!"

"…"

-

I wanna be a "D" cup.

Bigger memories…

I want them to show through my shirt!

-

My chest flatness, is killing me!

And I must confess, I'm not paying for these (Shigure, Kyo and Yuki are all chucking in),

-

"Wow Tohru, you look hot"

"Thanks, Yuki!"

-

I look 32, I'm just a child!

I'm a criiime!

-

"But…"

"But what?"

"MAKE MY BOOBIES ONE MORE SIZE! (cries)"

-

Yuki told me my boobies were big enough. But I don't think so!

-

"Hey, did you get implants?"

"N-No… Hatori, my chest is growing… it's just puberty!"

"…"

"They grew like crazy! You believe me right? My boobies got so huge almost over night!"

"…"

-

Hatori didn't believe me.

Damn him!

-

The newspaper came to Shigure's house the next day, because apparently I have the biggest boobs in a woman under the age of 20. I felt golly proud of myself, I did!

-

"Tell us, Tohru, how did your boobies get so big!"

"They grew overnight!"

"…"

"Is it that obvious I had four surgeries?"

-

Must be.

Crap.

-

"What's the matter?"

"When a run around, they bounce"

"What's wrong with that?"

"Each one weighs 15 pounds. What if one comes and hits me in the head?"

"…"

-

My poor boobies.

Everyone just wants to touch them.

-

I give guys nose bleeds at school.

-

"Really?"

"Hell yeah, Hiro. You should try one day!"

"Umm…"

-

I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts!

-

"No, I do"

"Huh? How so!"

"Because, my flower, you belong to me. They're my coconuts"

"MINE!"

"Kyo, how are they yours?"

"I paid a third of the cash for 'em!"

"I think they're mine"

"Yuki?"

"I also paid some cash for them"

"…"

-

Why must everyone fight for my boobs?

They still need to go 1 more size.

-

I want my boobies to be as big as Shigure's fat head.

-

"Give 'em a twist, a flick of the wrist, that's what the showman said!" (Yuki, Kyo)

"Please let go of my boobs!" (Me)

"…No" (Them)

-

In the end, it felt quite good. Yay!

-

"Roll a ball a bowl a penny a pitch!"

"Yay! My wife said that!"

"Wait… I'm not married!"

-

Then, the man who put the implants in got the contract out that I signed so he could put them in.

-

In finer print than the fine print, it said I would have to marry him.

-

Gasp!

-

"She owns to me!"

"How come? She signed the contract!"

"Well, the flower lives in my house. I don't give my consent for her to get married!"

"Where's her Mum and Dad?"

"They're dead!"

"Gasp!"

-

Then, I didn't have to get married. Yay!

-

I went to school the very next day and signed up for the 100 meter sprint.

Why?

So people could see my boobies bounce!

-

Also, because it was obvious I would win.

All the other contestants were men.

They all stopped to watch them…

-

"You sicken me!"

"Yay! Boobs! (stare)"

"…"

-

The next day, the mayor of the town dragged me to the center of the city.

-

"I DECLARE YOU, THE HOTTEST THING TO HIT JAPAN SINCE THE ATOMIC BOMB!"

"(insert cheering)"

"I would like to thank Shigure, Kyo and Yuki Sohma!"

"(crowd says why)"

"Because… they paid for these!"

-

Shigure, Kyo and Yuki got given money. Lots of it.

-

Dammit!

-

I'm late!

-

"For what?"

"I have to go to dinner with the second hottest thing to his Japan since the atomic bomb!"

"Oh, bye!"

"Seeya!"

-

**A/N:**

**I feel sorry for Tohru. Haha.**


	4. Lemon Team Juicy Force, GO!

**A/N:**

**I updated.**

**Huh?**

**Oh right. You already know that. –tear tear-**

-

So, I beat the crap out of my toe sock the other day.

-

Then Akito beat the crap outta me.

-

"Die bi-atch, die! You must never hurt the TOE SOCKS!"

"…"

"You aren't in pain?"

"No Akito. You're feeling me up,"

"…"

-

It was an eventful day, it was.

Because then Yuki bashed me.

-

"Die! I TOLD YOU NOT TO USE '…' WHEN TALKING, DAMMIT!"

"Yuuuki! Stop hitting on me!"

"…Sorry"

-

And then, just to top the day of…

Shigure raped me.

-

Although I think it was Kyo in a Shigure cosplay costume.

-

Because his dick wasn't all wrinkly and old.

-

"(reminisces)"

"Why are you talking about me like that?"

"Huh? Oh, Shigure, your standing right there! Ooh… I see… (runs)"

-

Rin came over the other day as well. So I teased her.

-

"Ithoothooo!"

"H-Hey… where'd y-ya learn that n-name?"

"Akito told me… ITHOOTHOOO! (laughs hysterically)"

"…"

"What, Ithoothooo?"

"…Bitch"

-

Then Ithoothooo got a beating from Yuki because she used '…'.

-

And I sat and watched.

-

"Harder Tohru, harder!"

"Sorry, I just can't squeeze any more juice out!"

"Don't be so ridiculous, give it all you got!"

"(squeezes)"

"Well?"

"Hey! I made some lemon juice! Lets go put it in a squirty bottle and spray it in the eyes of the elderly!"

"…"

"You know you want to!"

"YAY!"

-

Kyo came along to, just because he has is own series as well.

And Akito would have come, but she was busy beating the boobs out of Ren.

-

"Hey look! There's an elderly lookin' lady! GRAB HER!"

"(grabs)"

"(squirts)"

"HAHAHA"

"…Yay!"

-

Then we realized the elderly was no fun, because they just yelled.

So we went to the hospital.

-

"Look, I told you, I cannot get three workers uniforms for you unless you work here! And you don't have those worker badge thingies!"

"…(squirts)"

-

So we raped him and stole his clothes.

I looked funky.

-

"Wait, we still don't have clothes!"

"Don't worry Kyo. I'll go and get you some"

-

And so, we trekked along the hallways until we found some funny looking sections for people with disorders that I didn't even know existed.

-

"Heart Ward. Lets go there!"

"Yay! When we spray, they'll have heart attacks! Good idea, Yuki!"

"(blushes)… Thanks"

-

Lets just say that none of them had heart attacks.

But they needed some new eyes.

-

Then we went to the babies ward, because Kyo hates babies.

Yeah and we sprayed them good.

They all cried at once. Yay!

-

"…Stupid babies…"

"Viva la Gaspos, Kyo! You used '…' on either side!"

"GASP"

-

Then we went into the surgery room and sprayed some of the left over juice on the open wounds of the elderly, young and middle-aged-crisis-types alike.

-

Their screams of pain turned me on.

-

"We are the… we need a team name,"

"How about… LEMON TEAM JUICY FORCE!"

"Yay!"

-

Then, we discussed stuff.

Of course, we were home by now. Silly me.

-

"We can be 'lemon', because we use lemons and we like to read lemons"

"We can be 'team', because… we are a team?"

"We can be 'juicy', because Tohru has big boobs and we use lemon juice!"

"…"

"And 'force', because we are a force. Woo!"

-

Crap.

-

"What?"

"I really need to go to the toilet!"

"Then go"

"Okay!"

-

Bye!

-

**A/N:**

**Well that was… unnerving? **


	5. Don’t ya wish you were gangsta like me?

**A/N:**

**I just wanted to say… WOO! **

**Because I am writing the story and you're not.**

**That is also why I don't own the song at the start.**

-

Iwas five andhe was six,

We rode on horses made of sticks,

He wore black and I wore white…

He would always win the fight.

Bang bang! That awful sound!

My baby shot me down!

-

"Tohru, I told you a thousand times before, I am not your baby! I know you're not in love with me! So leave me the hell alone, you spazz woman!"

"…Hiro (luffs on)"

-

Hiro thinks I'm a lunatic now, just because he's gangsta slash emo.

-

"Don't ya wish you were gangsta like me?"

"…Yes (cries)"

-

It was about then I realized I had forgotten why I fell in love with Hiro in the first place.

So I did a small dance.

-

Hatori questions my sanity, because he is secretly GOLDMEMBER.

-

"Tohru… I'm not Goldmember. I've never seen or been in such a movie. Please refrain from saying such ridiculous things again,"

"…DIE!"

-

I have a Hatori fetish.

Isn't that weird?

-

**Actually, I'm more likely to have a Hatori fetish. I'm always using him in stories -tear tear-**

**-**

"I'm so sorry Tohru, forgive me, it's all my fault! I'm so sorry! Here, take this lemon for evil deeds as my apology present! Forgive me! It's all my fault you have a Hatori fetish! If it wasn't for me, you would have never met him! I'm so sorrryyy!"

"…"

-

What the hell Ritsu?

Get a freaking grip.

-

"I'm so sorry! I do not have a grip on anything! Nothing around here is graspable! Sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so – ooh…"

-

Well, giving him a blowjob sure shut him up.

-

Yesterday, Yuki, Kyo, Haru and myself played "I've Never" over a nice bottle of pure liquor. Of course, it was Haru's idea to play. Who else would wanna see his two hottest cousins naked, so he could gang rape them with me?

Haru, that's who.

-

"I've never… not had sex with Tohru,"

Everyone sipped, including me. Gasp!

-

"I've never… had a foursome with three cursed guys!"

"…(rape)"

-

Hell yeah!

Go me.

-

"YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE YAYED TOHRU HONDA GIRL!"

"Oh pipe down, Akito. Go bash Ren's boobs in or something"

-

Akito then told me it was her life long dream to bash the boobs out of Ren, so she looked as flat chested as she did.

I suggested she used some of the LEMON TEAM JUICY FORCE's juice.

-

"Thanks Tohru! I'll be sure to use it as lube!"

-

Yeah. I don't think she understood.

-

"Balls! (screams to world)"

-

WOW.

That was damn random of me.

-

I'm so gangsta, it's ridiculously sexy.

-

Don't ya wish you were gangsta like me?

-

"Now you know why I'll never love you!"

"Hiro, baby! Don't say that!"

"Goodbye, Tohru!"

"NOOOOO!"

-

I'm gonna go sulk now.

Have an angsty day. (cries)

-

**A/N:**

**That was damn random of me.**


	6. Taking Yuki's Viagra is Bad for You

**A/N:**

**Updates, updates, updates.**

**They make you want to spazz.**

-

So this one time right, I was walking down the road, when all of a sudden-

-

"HELP! HELP!"

"Please, I don't feel like listening to your helpless cries!"

"ONE DAY, YOU'LL NEED ME AND THEN WHO WILL HELP YOU?"

"…You?"

-

It was so stupid.

I couldn't actually understand a word of what was going on.

-

"Miss Honda, have you been taking my viagra again? What have I told you about what it does to your mind? Miss Honda! Wake up, please! Get off my foot, Miss Honda! Hey, stupid, get over here! Miss Honda is dead!"

-

So, after that strange attack of unusual behavior, I was almost back to normal.

Please take note of ALMOST.

-

Mind you, it was sort of fun watching Yuki almost have a heart attack, Shigure on the verge on tears and Kyo wondering what the hell was going on.

-

"Hey, Tohru"

"Yes, Kyo?"

"I got you some more of those tablets you wanted"

"How do you know they're the right ones?"

"Because I found them on the floor under the toilet in Shigure's private bathroom"

"…"

-

So I took the tablets.

-

Next thing I knew, I was naked in the same bed as Hatori.

-

"What happened?"

"You took Shigure's sex medication and wandered over here, collapsed in my bed and tried to rape me. But I gave in, so it counted as sex I wanted,"

"…Okay…"

-

Remember back to the time when Ayame was in my shirt?

It was actually quite arousing.

-

"Aya!"

"Now, now Tohru dearest. Keep quite! We wouldn't want little Yuki to know what I've been doing to you…"

"(screams in ecastacy)"

-

(Insert Yuki running in here)

-

"Miss Honda!"

-

I'm not even ashamed.

-

Guess the hell what.

-

"Yeah?"

"I wasn't talking to you, Kureno. Please go away,"

"…"

-

None other than Akito herself taught me how to speak like a gangsta.

-

"/0/ 2 5p33K l1K3 4 G4/G574-"

"I know, I know!"

"NO YOU DON'T I DON'T SEE YOU WRITING LIKE A GANGSTA DAMMIT!"

"I don't see you either,"

"…"

-

Okay, so she didn't really teach me much.

-

My cat did a poopies!

-

"Shut the hell up!"

"Aww, Kyo! Don't be so up tight!"

"FUCK OFF, YA DAMN MORON!"

"…(cries)"

-

I guess I leant my lesson.

Don't tease a cat who's on heat.

-

"I'M NOT ON HEAT, DAMMIT!"

-

Oops.

Better run!

-

**A/N:**

**That was freaking insane.**

**I can't believe I'm posting this.**

**Next chapter is gonna be called, "The Truth About Kyo's 'time of the month'".**


	7. The Truth About Kyo's time of the month

**A/N:**

**GASP! The truth has arrived.**

-

"Kyo, I'm sorry. I have to tell them the truth. I am so sorry. I'm… telling them. Now."

"I… I'm… I understand…"

-

Kyo is on heat right now.

It's very… bad for him.

-

Why, you ask?

-

He wants to fuck any random whore.

Even NON-whores.

-

"Shh!"

"I'm telling!"

-

And so, I'm telling you for your own protection.

-

"Tohru, as if they need to be- oh, is that a GIRL! (runs to)"

-

"You heard it here first. Kyo's got his 'time of the month'. Beware"

-

Hatori came over for a visit too, just to see Kyo.

-

Ya know what I did?

-

Laced his cigarettes with nitroglycerin.

-

That'll teach him to kill himself with tobacco smoke.

He can kill himself with pure poison instead.

-

"Hey Tohru, I- (dies)"

"…YAY!"

-

Kyo then raped his dead corpse.

How… sexy.

-

"SHUT THE HELL UP! I DID NOT!"

"What are you doing right now, huh?"

"Eating ramen."

"…(runs)

-

You know, if guys had their periods, they would boast about the sixe of their tampons.

-

"Hey Tohru, can I borrow a-"

"Of course!"

"Good. I really need a new pair of underpants, anyway"

"…"

-

Kyo wears womens underwear?

Gasp.

-

I'm thirsty.

-

"Hear, have a drink of this!"

"What's that… HATORI?"

"It's… sugar water… yeah…"

-

It was nitroglycerin.

I knew, because I am a certified drug handler.

-

And so, the week ended when Kyo's period ended.

Cool, huh?

-

"…Idiot"

"What!"

"Your so stupid sometimes!"

"Fine, I'll run away then!"

"…Go for it!"

"(does so)"

-

**A/N:**

…**Well.**


	8. I'm a Nymph!

**A/N:**

**Chapter inspired by the last chapter of "A Few Pleasant Tales Featuring the Sowmo's".**

-

I once had this faze when I thought I was a Nymph.

-

I did it all!

-

I had my magical puddle of mystics and enchantment.

-

I had all the cute boys to steal and rape.

-

I even had the body for the naked scenes.

-

But then I had to give it up when I accidentally raped and murdered Akito.

-

"Yeah. That was funny,"

"Kyo, must you ruin everything, always?"

"…No?"

"GOOD!"

-

So, I shall tell you about it.

-

FLASHBACK!

-

"Tohru, my flower?"

"Yes?"

"Why is there a puddle of water in the middle of my dining room table?"

"Oh, you'll see. You will see!"

"…"

-

So, I died my hair pink and left it out… and sat in the puddle of water.

Naked.

-

And I sat there and sat there…

-

"ENCHANTMENT!"

"Put some clothes on, Tohru!"

-

Until YUKI came along.

I shrunk down into the puddle (trying to be invisible) and sung my enchantment song.

-

"IT'S RAINING MEN! HALLELUJAH! IT'S RAINING MEN! HEY HEY!"

"…Miss Honda, are you alright? (walks over)"

-

See?

I ENCHANTED HIM.

-

"I'm a Nymph!"

"…"

-

So he grabbed my boobs.

And I tugged him into my puddle.

-

And we did it GOOD.

-

"Miss Honda… (gasp)… You're so good… at this…"

"Yeah, I know."

"…"

-

Then, being a Nymph and all, I drowned him.

-

"Miss Honda? What are you doing?"

-

Ok, so it's hard to down someone in a teaspoon of water.

-

In actual fact, I rammed his head into the table.

-

"(ram)"

"(death)"

-

Yeah!

-

So then, Kyo comes along.

-

Poor Kyo.

He's such a perverted boy.

-

But, a Nymph must be a Nymph!

-

"DECK THE HALLS WITH BOUTS OF HOLLY! TRA LA LA LA LA! LA LA LA LA!"

"Tohru…? What are you up to? AND DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO PUT SOME DAMN CLOTHES ON?"

-

See?

My enchantment songs work!

-

"Come into my puddle…"

"BUT I HATE WATER!"

"Well, I'll make you like it…"

"Oooh…"

-

And then the sexy mood was ruined.

-

"Is that Yuki's dead body?"

"…No! It's… Shigure!"

"…"

-

So then he knelt in the puddle beside me.

I smiled.

-

"Hi,"

"Kyo, what are you saying? Why aren't we having sex yet?"

"Um… I can't"

"Why?"

"BECAUSE I'M CURSED!"

-

So I told him that Yuki was oh so good and that he could never beat him.

-

"What the fuck? Of course I can! COME HERE!"

-

Yeah.

-

I like it rough.

-

So after when seemed like hours of moaning, it was time to murder Kyo.

-

"Bye! You're much better than Yuki!"

"What? Huh? Ahh!"

"(head bang to table)"

"(dead)"

-

So then, with Kyo and Yuki's naked body thrown around the house, I sat for a while and waited for someone new to rape. But not Shigure, because he's gay.

-

THEN! IN A FLASH OF LIGHT-SAMA IN THE WRONG STORY!

-

"Hiro?"

"T-T-Tohru…?"

-

So then, I sung to most seductive song I could.

-

To make him cum.

I MEAN COME!

-

"…I'm a happy little vegemite as smart as smart can be! I really love my vegemite for breakfast lunch and tea! My Mummy says I'm growing big with every single day because I love my vegemite, yes I love my vegemite for every single day!"

-

IF YOU ARE AUSTRALIAN, YOU KNOW THE SEXY SIGNIFICANCE OF THAT SONG.

Thankyou.

-

And Hiro was so like, amazed, he ran!

-

"Oh Tohru! Let me cum into your puddle!"

"Of course, Hiro! My love!"

-

He was quite big for his age.

-

Very, very big.

-

Filled me up well.

-

"Thanks,"

"PISS OFF HATORI!"

"…(sad)"

-

So, then, Akito comes in.

-

"YOU ARE STUPID! YOU ARE KILLING MY ZODIAC! BLAH BLAH BLAH! I'M A LESBIAN CROSS DRESSER!"

-

And I was like,

-

"Dude,"

-

And then she raped me.

-

But of course, being a Nymph, I had to kill her.

-

"Yeah, that was cool."

"Kyo, you aren't supposed to talk yet. I haven't gotten to the part where Ayame uses his special powers to bring everyone back to life!"

"…"

-

Well, I already told you.

-

Dammit!

-

"Wah! My brother is dead! (brings back to life with everyone else)"

-

Then, when Akito was resurrected, I was told off.

-

"You, Tohru Honda, are a sex obsessed skank. You will never be a Nymph again!"

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF HATORI'S WOMEN-KNICKERS?"

-

Yep.

The angst was definitely on there.

-

I really need a cuppa with some vegemite…

-

"I'll make it for you!"

"Kyo, just because your sex was great doesn't mean you have to do everything for me!"

"I'm Momiji!"

"…"

-

Seems the name game has finally come to this fic.

-

"Anything else?"

"Yeah Momiji, can you grab me some of Shigure's porn?"

"OMG PORN!"

"… Just do me"

"…"

"I mean it. It, god damn you!"

-

Hmm.

Good pictures they got there.

-

"Are you reading my porn?"

-

Oh crap!

It's Shigure and a bar of soap!

-

NOOO!

-

(runs)

-

**A/N:**

**What a filthy chapter.**

**Haha!**

**A long one too.**


	9. This Deserves Some Corporal Punishment

**A/N:**

**I'm in an extra pervy mood today, so I'm updating both 'Inside the Mind of…' stories. Tohru first.**

**OH, RIGHT! I'm glad that you guys thought last chapter was good! Got lots of positiveness for it. Have a cookie. It's air flavoured!**

-

I was walking down the hall the other day when suddenly,

-

"Oh, Kyo!"

-

Came from the bathroom.

-

I was all like, "wat der hella ish gooin on ere?"

-

Too afraid to open the door myself, I called Shigure.

-

"What is it, Tohru?"

"Moaning from the bathroom…"

"I'll see to it, my dear,"

-

So Shigure peaked through the key hole.

-

"Yuki's masturbating in there," He said.

-

I was shocked and appalled!

-

But it's not like that matters.

He DID treat me to hot yaoi island sex later on.

-

"It wasn't yaoi, TOHRU! It wasn't even… island!"

"How so? I believed it was!"

"We didn't even HAVE sex today!"

"…Stop using caps lock! (runs)"

-

I was scared, later in the afternoon.

-

How so, you ask?

-

Well, Hatori was following me everywhere.

-

"Hatori, what are you doing?"

"I'm… not Hatori… I am just a bush… go back to doing whatever… you were doing…"

"Bushes don't talk!"

"…I am magical."

-

Well, that just settles it, doesn't it?

-

Hatori is a gay person.

-

"How did you come to that conclusion?"

"Shigure told me,"

"Oh… (sad)"

-

I like baking cookies.

Do you?

-

"What're ya makin' Tohru?"

"I'm making cookies. Want one?"

"Nah, I hate chocolatey stuff."

"Kyo, real men LOVE chocolate. Which is why Yuki's island yaoi sex is better than yours."

"…(shocked and appalled)"

-

And so, unlike in my dream, Ayame treated me to hot island yaoi sex.

Yay!

-

"That's not true, m'dear! I only gave you a dress! Hehe! But, if it's sexual pleasures you want, you're more than welcome to come down to my shop! Oh, and bring Yuki too. He must see us make beautiful love! Get some tips, you know. Haha! Won't Akito be pleased when he heard that I, Ayame, deflowered the most innocent of flowers! Oh, my Lord! Everything will go to plan, like the wedding and the anniversary! It'll be great! Oh, and we can invite Kyonkitchi! He'll be so mad with me! Hah! Let's elope!"

"…"

-

Has anyone ever noticed that Ayame doesn't need to breathe?

-

"All part of being a snake, m'dear!"

-

And what big fangs he has?

-

"All the better to eat your cookies with!"

-

And what a big nose he has?

-

"….(shocked and appalled)"

-

I was actually waiting for Ayame to say, eventually, "All the better to fuck you with!".

-

I guess I didn't ask the right questions.

-

"Ya sure didn't!"

"…Hatori?"

"No! I'm just a talking camera in your ceiling. Don't mind me!"

"…"

-

Does Hatori really think I'm THAT stupid?

-

Then Haru came on Angel-san's vine she got from Walmart.

-

"Ahh! U biiiiatch! U steelin mah yuuuk1! Nooo000ooo000ooo00!11!eleven!"

"…"

-

And so, I bitch slapped him.

And raped him.

"That's for sure,"

-

See?

Told ya so.

-

But of course, the day wouldn't be complete without having some happy happy joy joy time with Kureno in the bath tub.

-

"Is there something little Kureno isn't telling me, Tohru?"

"Yes, Akito. He bathes me every second day of the week!"

"My, my! This deserves some corporal punishment!"

-

So, just like the episode of the Simpsons where Bart offends Australia, Akito got a giant boot and kicked Kureno in the ass with it.

-

"Where'd ya get the boot from?"

"I'll tell you a story. You have to keep it secret though!"

"I asked a question, not for fucking story time!"

-

I had to listen to the story anyway, because Akito insisted.

-

"Once, there lived a young cursed man by the name of Sohma. His first name will not be revealed, though,"

"I guess Shigure,"

"…Dammit!"

-

See? I'm just so smart!

-

"Anyway, Shigure once had a giant, well, cock. Until he had to get it amputated when a car ran over it. But, he needed to keep it covered and warm in the winter, because it always stuck out of his clothes. So he bought this giant boot-"

"So it is a boot?"

"…Yes"

"SUCKER"

-

Akito is so lame at telling bedtime stories.

She was trying to put me to sleep so she could see to it that I got pleasure.

Damn!

-

I need to go to Sexaholics Anonymous.

-

"M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M…"

"What is it?"

"H-H-H-"

"Miss Honda, is the word, isn't it?"

"…DIE! (stab)"

-

Now I know how Kureno feels.

-

**A/N:**

**Umm… that was… unnerving? **


	10. Hello, You've Reached My Voice Mail

**A/N:**

**How long has it been since I updated this load of monkey's poop?**

**How long has it been since I updated any monkey's poop?**

**AGES.**

**-**

I found out today that random objects in the house are very arousing.

-

It's kinda shocking this they've been here…

And I never knew!

-

"What are you babbling about?"

"Have a sausage, Ren!"

"…Thanks"

-

Sausages, cucumbers, handles, rolling pins, zucchinis, bananas.

You name it and I can use it when Kyo, Yuki and Shigure aren't home.

-

"Spatula's."

"Hatori, you're making no sense! What are you talking about! Blah, blah, blah!"

"You told me to name things,"

"…Die."

-

Hatori has a fetish for spatula's.

Boo him.

-

"Maybe you should tone it down a little bit, Miss Honda. You're starting to freak everyone in the house out with your continuous asking for boxer shorts, your refusal to speak and you toilet runs every five minutes,"

"Uh, Yuki? I think you're talking about Kisa,"

"…(run)"

-

Kisa looks nothing like me, does she?

I think I look more like Hatori.

-

"I think Kureno,"

"Yeah Kyo? Well Yuki thinks Hatori!"

"Yeah Tohru? Well I got more reviews than you! (runs for life)"

"…What the hell,"

-

"Miss Honda, I don't think that stupid cat will ever let down the fact he got more reviews than me, you and Haru."

"Haru only has 2 chapters though. Your series is finished."

"…(run)"

-

Yuki sure has been doing a lot of running lately.

-

Hey! It's Momiji!

-

"Come over here Momiji!"

"What is it?"

"Can I please record you moaning?"

"Why?"

"I want to set it as my voice mail."

"Okay! Sugar time!"

-

The Mighty Authoress is currently missed like Momiji misses sugar.

And the person missing her is being missed more than Akito and her missing of cocaine.

-

"Shutup, Raunchy Authoress!"

"THAT AINT MY NAME! (runs for life)"

-

Anyway… I need to get someone to ring me.

-

How?

-

"You could put posters up on the street,"

-

An idea! I just had an idea!

I'll put posters up on the street!

-

"Excuse me? I said it,"

"Go away Akito."

-

Wanna know what the posters said?

TOO BAD.

-

_j00 w4lT s3ck5?_

_C4ll d15 Num63R B444BY!1!1!11!eleven!1!_

_79274122947308365389._

_Or, type in 'Yukis Ass Is Fat Oh Yeah' on your mobile._

-

Yuki wasn't impressed.

But everyone else was.

-

And that's what matters.

-

"Tohru, didn't you want people to hear your voice mail?"

"Yeah, I did."

"Then stop answering the damn phone! I wanna hear Momiji moan!"

"You sound so desperate Haru. Please stop."

"…(drops phone and runs because he was really Yuki)"

-

So my friend bought me a book.

It was called,

"7 Ways To Essentially Be A Proactive Teenage Girl"

-

I laughed at her.

-

"You boob. As if I would ever read this,"

"Well… what would you prefer?"

"How about I buy you a book. Then you'll know what to get me!"

-

It was called,

"7 Raunchy Ways To Essentially Be A Slutty, Preppy, Teenage Girl"

-

She enjoyed reading it.

Because… SHE WAS AKITO.

-

"Shh! I told you not to tell,"

"I thought they deserved to know. No sense in keeping them on edge,"

-

Ah… that Banana really feels nice.

-

C a P s H u R t P o O r N o O b S.

-

"Then why don't you use all caps, to hurt them even more?"

"I guess I like the idea of using a capital, then giving them lower case."

"…"

"Makes them think I've stopped when I haven't. Just like when I stab innocent bystanders for no real reason."

"…"

"(stabby rip stab stab)"

-

Kyo assaulted me for using his favourite song in vain.

So I whore slapped him.

-

Then Yuki assaulted me for whore slapping his whore.

So he bitch slapped me.

-

Then Akito got bored and decided to order some group sex.

-

"Sounds like you had an interesting day,"

"Yep,"

"Well, guess what I did today! I downloaded more songs for my iPod, did a little dance, wrote about you being a lap dancer, blah blah blah…"

"GO AWAY AUTHORESS GIRL!"

"Don't make me leave you with Angel-san and Hiro for the day!"

"…(runs like Yuki)"

-

"Hello. You have reached Tohru's voice mail. I'm too busy having sex right now to answer your call. Listen to him moan (insert Momiji moan here). See? Now, unless you want to have sex, please hang up. If you're Akito, dial 387585759493734754845 in that order within a second. Buh bye!"

-

BEEP

-

"Hey Tohru. Umm… weird voice mail there. It's Uo, if you're wondering. Let's have some lunch tomorrow. Hana says you're getting pervier by the moment. We need to talk about this! Maybe even have some kinky lesbian sex… (click)"

-

Everything is going to plan!

-

BWAAAAHAAAA!

-

"I thought Hatori told you not to laugh like that anymore,"

"He did,"

"…"

-

SHOE LACE.

-

**A/N:**

**Unusual.**

**But… voice mail-ish. **


	11. His Pants Speak Louder Than Words

**A/N:**

**This one is updated in honor if my nee-chan, Kawatta-chan!**

**She's so awesome.**

**-**

Wouldn't it be nice if the world was candy?

You could just go around and lick anything you wanted...

-

"Even me?"

"Yes Yuki. Even you."

-

I got stuck babysitting Hiro and Kisa again.

Stupid Akito.

-

She should look after her own damn farm animals!

-

"No need for that language, Miss Honda."

-

Don't you 'Miss Honda' me, Yun.

Won't work.

-

So, anyway, Hiro comes up to me and says,

-

"j00 FU(K1NG B3334T(H, S3RV3 M3 4ND K1S4 T34!"

-

But I don't serve gangsta's tea.

So I offered to play a game with them.

-

"A game?"

"Yes Kisa! Games are awesomely dandy!"

"o.o!"

-

Hiro seemed excited though.

His pants speak louder than words.

-

"It's called… 'If Your Horny And You Know It Make A Move'!"

"…"

-

Kisa wasn't exactly excited. So they left.

-

Ren came around.

Man I love her.

-

"Hey Ren,"

"Morning Tohru."

"So uh…"

"(mauls)"

-

See?

Just so awesome.

-

"Hey, I maul you! How come I'm not awesome?"

"You're so rough, Kyo."

"…Oh, c'mon. You know you love it."

-

I do.

I wouldn't admit it though.

-

Otherwise Hatori might leave me.

-

"I never was with you."

"I KNOW!"

"…"

-

Hatori scaring is awesome.

Like Ren.

-

Starbucks stole my heart.

-

"Huh?"

-

Well, their coffee is like, P1-134RL355 2 D4H M3X!

Yum.

-

"What did I tell you about that coffee?"

"Lay off Ayame. I can do what I want."

"You know, a man loves a knowing woman."

"…Huh?"

"…I take back what I said about knowing…"

-

Momiji is the playboy bunny!

No!

-

"What's the matter? I thought you'd be happy!"

"I am! But I thought you were the Easter Bunny!"

"Oh. I am. I deliver more than chocolate though…"

"(smirk)"

-

Woo!

Two in one combo.

-

"Can I have a two in one combo?"

-

Yes Kisa.

Yes you can.

-

Oh crap!

Donkey attack!

-

**A/N:**

**Eh…?**

**That was a bit, strange.**


	12. God sent me here to piss the world off

**A/N:**

**In which Akito tells Tohru to piss off the world.**

**In which Yuki falls down the stairs.**

**In which Tohru rambles.**

**In which Kyo interrupts. **

**-**

I'd been up, what, five minutes?

The phone was already ringing.

Damn!

-

"Hello?"

"Miss Honda. Come here immediately."

"But how?"

"Kureno is already outside your house."

-

So I looked and, FUCK! He is!

Damn, that was so quick.

There isn't even a road and he managed to make it.

-

"Hi Kureno."

"DUN j00 ST4R7 W1T M3, H0ND4 B1T(H."

"…"

-

So then we drove away.

The car smelt like a sex pool though.

-

"I think the term is 'cesspool', actually."

"I think I know what I'm talking about!"

-

So, yeah.

I walked in.

-

"Yo, yo, yo, my Akito dawg, how's my home slice shakin'?"

"Imma pissed off, Honda bitch. So I'm sending you to piss the world off, dawg."

"Oh."

-

Yes!

Now I have a reason to piss off the world! I can turn around and say,

"God sent me here to piss the world off."

And no one will know it was really Akito.

-

So she bid me educe and I left.

-

I figured I'd go and annoy Kyo first, 'cos he gets real mad.

-

"GUESS WHAT."

"…?"

"YOU'RE AN IDIOT! HAHAHA!"

"…"

"God sent me here to piss the world off."

"Oh! Then go right ahead. I'm sorry."

-

Wow.

That was damn weird.

-

"Hey Yuki!"

"Yes?"

"BALLS!"

"…"

"God sent me here to piss the world off."

"Oh, wow! You should have said so in the first place!"

-

People respect you if you say you've been sent by God to do something.

It makes you sound superior.

And… super stupid.

-

"LETS HAVE SEX!"

"…Shigure?"

"God sent me here to have sex with you."

"I invented that saying. It won't work on me."

"…Aww!"

-

Yeah, nice try.

-

So, to piss everyone off even more, I put a banana peel at the top of the stairs.

But… Yuki slipped and fell.

-

"I swear Hatori, I didn't know banana peels were slippery! I only put it there to make a mess, not to make a mess of Yuki!"

-

Hatori didn't believe me.

Anyway, Yuki tripped and broke his boner.

-

"Tohru… he broke his bone. He'll still be able to hold a fully stiff erection if he wants to."

"Oh good. Oh good…"

-

I had myself worried for a minute.

Imagine life without Yuki's boner…

-

What would you point and laugh at in the middle of Sex Ed?

-

"There's my boner,"

"Kyo, yours isn't exciting. You always get a boner. Yuki doesn't."

"…Well, geez, I'm so freakin' sorry!"

"As you should be."

-

What would those stupid girls love?

-

"Well, there's me…"

"Kyo, are you ever going to leave?"

-

Who would be there for the common hobo or the everyday transvestite?

-

"Me!"

"Kyo- oh! It's you Ayame. Hello!"

"Uh… hello."

-

Ayame is a transvestite. That's why he's there for them.

-

"I'd be there for them."

"Yuki! You're alive!"

"I didn't die."

"How's your boner?"

"Stiff as always!"

"WOO!"

-

And so concludes the epic tale of Yuki's boner.

-

"You mean stupid!"

"Go away, Kyo!"

-

**A/N:**

**Yes, well…**

**God DID send me here to piss the world off, ya know. **


	13. The whole world is my bukkake bitch!

**A/N:**

**Today's line up includes-**

**Tohru discovers secret sauce thanks to Ayame.**

**Tohru gets special sauce.**

**Tohru insults people and makes no sense.**

**Kisa goes on a crime spree.**

**Tohru questions English.**

-

Kisa decided to go on crime spree a few days ago.

I never did find out why, but I decided to tell you.

-

"I don't care."

"No. YOU don't care."

"…"

"I'm sorry Hana. That was quite stupid."

-

Such things in this spree included stealing tampons and blowing up the school.

-

"Isn't that old news?"

"Well Hatori, it does depend on how many times she has done it."

"…You're a bit crazy."

"No. YOU'RE a bit crazy."

"…"

-

During this particular spree of crime related acts, Kisa, the darlin' little thing, got me a McDonalds hamburger.

-

"And don't give it to Kyo this time!"

-

And I didn't.

Because she told me not to.

-

So I took a big, grease-ball of a bite and-

-

"EK!"

-

Tasted like shit, it did.

-

"Really?"

"Yes, Ayame."

"What was the problem?"

"The sauce."

-

Ayame then proceeded to drag me back to his shop to explain to me the wonders of 'secret sauce'.

What a weirdo.

-

"Now Tohru, I know at times you can be a little bit naïve, so I'll just come straight out and say it…"

"Okay then."

"When a Mummy and Daddy get very, VERY drunk, they often buy cheese burgers. Now, everyone knows the sauce in them is terrible, so they do a very secret ritual with their bodies. A ritual so secret-"

"GET ON WITH IT."

"You have to jack someone off to get secret sauce."

-

My god.

I just realized two things.

-

Capitalization is the difference between

"I helped my uncle Jack off a horse" and "I helped my uncle jack off a horse."

-

I question English.

-

AND...

-

I need to find someone to jack off!

-

"I know the best place."

"Yes, Kyo?"

"My pants."

"…"

-

Kyo later explained that there are also Yuki and Hiro's pants if his supply of secret sauce is not plentiful.

-

"Well… how should I go about this 'jacking'?"

"(stare)"

-

After a while, Kyo admitted that he didn't know and rang up Yuki to come and help.

-

(Phone conversation between Yuki and Kyo)

-

"Hello?"

"The day has come."

"…Kyo?"

"The day, Rat-Boy. THE DAY."

"Oh my god… are you serious?"

"She just asked me then, ya damn rat."

"…Shiggy-Sticks. I'll be right over."

"Right."

-

So Yuki ran down from his bedroom.

-

"Miss Honda? The day has come?"

"Yes."

-

He asked for my cheeseburger. I gave it to him.

-

"You ready, stupid cat?"

"As long as you are, damn rat."

-

He put his hand down Kyo's pants and-

THIS NEXT SECTION HAS BEEN EDITED OUT BECAUSE THE MIGHTY AUTHORESS FEELS LIKE PISSING EVERYONE OFF.

-

Yum.

Not only was it good to watch, the sauce in the end was wonderful.

-

Kyo tasted nice.

So did Yuki.

-

"Do you taste nice, Tohru?"

"No. YOU taste nice!" (insult)

"…"

-

The whole world is my bukkake bitch!

-

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh Hiro, don't be so naïve."

"…"

"What?"

-

I suppose, he wasn't with me when I ate my secret sauce, was he?

-

"CRAP!"

"Sperm."

"…"

-

And so concludes the epic tale.

Of what, I don't know.

-

"Bukkake!"

-

**A/N:**

**What am I supposed to say?**

**Hehe… that was kinda skitzed. **


	14. The Truth About Segment 2, Episode 26

**A/N:**

**READERS, REVIEWERS AND EVERYONE ELSE.**

**I NEED YOUR HELP.**

**Yeah. After this one and my Haru one, who should I do next? I either want to do Matoko Minagawa or Megumi Hanajima. The titles will either be-**

**"I'm Too Ugly For My Shirt: Mind of Matoko Minagawa" **

**(A story all about Matoko and her sexy obsession with Yuki)**

**Or.**

**"So Damned Emo: Something About Megumi Hanajima"**

**(A story about Megumi and... uh... sex.)**

**WHAT DO YOU THINK?**

-

Gah!

-

"What is it, Tohru!"

"School kills."

"...?"

-

Stupid Shigure.

Of course, HE, wouldn't know.

-

He never finished highschool.

-

"No wonder you're an author."

"Um... Hatori?"

"Yes?"

"I was meant to say that."

-

So anyway, today, I am here to tell you the TRUTH about the 2nd segment of episode 26, which features me in a graveyard and Uo and Hana coming.

-

"Like anyone cares."

"Just because it was about you Kyo, doesn't mean to have to run around like a sk8r b0i poser!"

"(is ashamed)"

-

Ren wouldn't be proud.

-

"What'd you say about me!"

"Nothing Ren..."

-

"My skillz waves are tingling, Arisa."

"Huh?"

"Someone is in a graveyard, sobbing about someone else really being a hideous monster."

"...WTF."

-

"Tooooohru! That was harsh!"

"It's only the truth, Authoress Girl."

"No it's not!"

"Then what is?"

"Kyo isn't a 'hideous monster', he's more like a hybrid of a cockroach with cute wittle bunny wabbit ears that prick up on end and teeth and claws and 'grrr' sounds instead of a peaceful chirp."

"...You're an idiot."

-

Then the Authoress Girl told me to go back to Hiro's story.

But I didn't.

-

So Hana comes up and is like, "T0000000Ru M4H H0M13! R j00 D34D?"

But I wasn't dead, oh no.

-

"But you were close to it."

"No...?"

"Thanks a lot, Tohru. I just lost a bet with Haru." (Yuki).

-

Oh boy.

Hot yaoi sex!

(runs towards)

-

"I thought you were telling a story."

"Shutup Hana and bring me some popcorn! Can't you see I'm watching something?"

-

Damn Hana.

Blind as a man with an erection.

-

"Tohru, this is very... erm... inappropriate. Young children might read this and I-"

"Hatori, voice your concerns to someone who cares."

-

Yeah. I sure showed him.

-

"I'm so proud!"

"Thanks Haru!"

-

That bovine-man.

Sure can be nice at times.

-

"(tips hat) What ya'll doin' out 'ere by ya'll self, liddle lad-ay?"

"Whooping some candy ass on these leeks."

"Well... that's nice?"

-

Kyo gave me some cash to kill all of Yuki's leeks.

Because Yuki would suspect me.

-

"Um, Miss Honda?"

"If you say that I was thinking out loud I will-"

"No, I read your story."

"...(gasp)"

-

Yuki needs to go back to his own story.

-

"Finish what the title of the chapter is talking about!"

-

Oh, right! The truth!

-

Well, after all that happened Hana and Uo had hot, yuri sex in a puddle of their own, filthy cum.

-

"No, they were fighting."

"What would you know, Momiji?"

"I was there."

"...(molest)"

-

The end!

-

"What a wonderful tale!"

"Thanks Ayame!"

-

THE TRUTH ABOUT SEGMENT 2, EPISODE 26.

-

**A/N:**

**Only because in the end, nothing lasts forever.**

**That sounds fancy. (yay).**


	15. Using Too Many Comma’s

**A/N:**

**This chapter is called "Using Too Many Comma's" and features Tohru babbling about random stuff. Yup.**

-

Rin is such an idiot.

Her name is insane.

-

"What did you say about me!"

"Oh please. Go fuck Haru, or something."

-

I mean… so is Ren's, I admit.

-

"Huh!"

"Ren. Angel-san is calling."

"…Damn."

-

Ren and Rin Ran and Run with Ron.

-

"Who's Ron?"

"Some loser from Harry Potter with gingery coloured hair."

"…"

-

I think me and Akito just had the same thought.

-

"KYO."

-

So then, we both decided to go and tease Kyo and call him Ron.

-

"Ron!"

"That isn't my name!"

"Ron!"

"That isn't my name!"

"Ron!"

"…Déjà vu."

-

Déjà vu indeed! With all those fancy little things above it!

-

Harry Potter reminds me of Yuki.

-

"Should we…"

"Yes Akito."

-

"Harry!"

"That isn't my name."

"Harry!"

"That isn't my name."

"Ha-."

"DÉJÀ VU!"

"Shut up Kyo!"

-

Ya know, I heard, that when you get old, you pee like clock-work, every three hours.

-

"Do you know how many comma's you used just then?"

"No, I do not, but I presume, I used too many, didn't I?"

"…"

-

I use too many comma's.

Take that, Harry!

-

"STOP CALLING ME HARRY, OR NO SEX FOR YOU!"

"…I'll be good (squeak)"

"And squeaking is MY thing!"

-

I thought it was Kisa's.

She's quiet, ya know.

-

"This place is a blood bath. (notes)"

"Kyo, hhy don't you, go back to Haru's story, and mutter things there, instead?"

"Because Haru tells Kagura to rape me if I do."

"Oh, in that case, stay with me, okay, Kyo?"

"…(dies from comma usage)."

-

Oh well, no loss, right?

-

"I, God of the Zodiac, proclaim that you never use comma's again!"

"GASP!"

-

I can't do that!

Haru will be mad!

-

"No, he won't."

"Oh okay then thanks Akito."

-

So the other day I was walking down the street and I swear I saw Haru behind me with a chainsaw but I can't be sure because while I can't use comma's I also can't look behind me. Akito said.

-

"(twitch)"

"Are you okay Haru?"

"No."

-

So then Haru went over to Akito's house in order to let me use comma's again because he said he couldn't handle me speaking like I was in kindergarten.

-

"Kindergarten is sexy!"

"I know Kyo I know."

-

Don't you wish… oh it's Akito.

-

"Hi Akito."

"Hello Tohru."

"What can I do you for?"

"You can use comma's again?"

"Really, oh, wow, I'm so pleased!"

"Well, we did a bit of research and it seems the only reason you couldn't use comma's is because the Authoress Girl was being a bit lazy."

"Oh. Okay then, thanks."

-

Well.

That was weird.

-

Oh, would you look at the time?

It's time for Play School!

-

"(sits)"

-

**A/N:**

**Comma's… I love them, yet I hate them.**

**Haha. **


	16. Friends of the Sexual Innuendo Kind

**A/N:**

**Why am I such a pervert?**

**It really is a shame!**

-

I made a friend the other day.

And friend of the SEXUAL INNUENDO kind.

-

"Was your 'friend' a junior version of a boy you know? That's quite cute you know, saying that his weenie is a friend of yours. Haha. How sweet. Would you like some candy? Oh, I shouldn't give you too much. It'll rot your perfect teeth! Have you ever seen that woman around here who had horridly bucked teeth? I don't want you to look like her! Waaahaaa-."

"Ayame. Shutup."

"…Okay."

-

The friend I made was a boy named Jack.

In actual fact, he's the Authoress' cousin. He's cursed.

-

"I am?"

"Yes. Authoress said so herself! She said, 'Jack is cursed because he doesn't know right from left from wrong!'. She also said you had your tongue cut off."

"…I'm only five. (drools with angst)."

"o.o!"

-

Jack and me went on an adventure.

IN THE WOODS.

-

"Did you rape him?"

"No!"

"Oh. That's not hot."

-

Jack told me a story!

It was a good story.

-

"Once, there was a boy named Jack!"

"And?"

"He liked horses."

"Do the horses like Jack?"

"Yeah. (drools some more.)"

-

And then it occurred to me…

-

"Does Jack jack horses?"

"…Huh?"

-

Oh, right.

He's only five.

Doesn't get it.

-

"INNUENDO."

"Shut up Kyo, you emo cutter."

"(mourns)"

-

"YOU SHOULD HAVE RAISED A BABY GIRL, I COULD HAVE BEEN A BETTER SON!"

"Kyo, shut up! Stop angsting over your Mum!"

"…(sad)"

-

So me and Jack went to find a horse. To jack with.

-

"Awesome."

"Yup!"

-

And then… REN.

She came and ruined it.

-

"Why Ren?"

"I don't know. Maybe she just likes to annoy me?"

"I thought that was Hiro."

"Same person."

-

GASP!

Then I started a TRAVESTY!

-

Just like Yuki did in the first chapter of Haru's story!

-

"NOOO!"

"Haru, go back to your own story."

-

"Whoa… Hiro and Ren are the same person… that's horrid…"

"Yeah… almost saying Kyo and Yuki are the same person…"

"You mean… they aren't?"

"…"

-

"STOP USING '…' FOOLS!"

"Yuki. That's old now."

-

"IT'S NOT A FASHION STATEMENT, IT'S A FUCKING DEATHWISH."

"Stop being so emo, Kyo! It doesn't suit you! It suits YUKI!"

"…I've been beaten again. (molests wrist with knife)."

-

Rawr.

I wish everyone would stop angsting.

-

"All teenagers scare the living shit outta me."

"Kyo, are you ever going to stop reciting MCR lyrics?"

"Nope."

"Why not?"

"Because. The Authoress loves Gerard Way and not me. AND THAT MAKES MR. KITTY SAD."

"…"

-

Guess what a female rapist says!

-

"…Hi?"

"No."

-

I VANT TO SUCK YOUR BALLS!

-

"Isn't that a female rapist vampire?"

"…Hatori."

"Yes?"

"Aren't YOU a female rapist vampire?"

"Gah! How did you know! (hides)"

"…"

-

Hatori is a fish.

Or IS he?

Yes.

-

"No."

"Go away, Kureno. You have pea's for balls."

"…(sad)"

-

"BURY ME IN ALL MY FAVOURITE COLOURS."

"Okay."

"…Aren't you going to yell at me?"

"You'd like that, wouldn't you Kyo? Have a reason to cut yourself then, wouldn't you?"

"GAH! HOW DID YOU KNOW! (hides)"

"…"

-

Everyone around here is so weird.

I hate it.

-

I'd rather live in a fricken tent.

-

"Alright, seeya."

"No, no! Shigure! Thank-you for your kindness! I am always in your debt!"

"…"

-

Why does Shigure always attempt to take my virginity?

-

"Oh yes, you're so a 'virgin', Tohru. What ever that means."

"Like you can talk, Akito. You're like, the biggest skank. Even bigger than RIN."

"GAH! HOW DID YOU KNOW? (hides)"

"…"

-

Alright. That's it.

I'M OUTTA HERE!

YOU'RE ALL FREAKS!

WEIRDO'S!

MONSTERS!

-

"I TAKE OFFENCE!"

"Oh, go away, Kyo. Go write tragic poem or something."

"…Meow."

-

o.o!

-

**A/N:**

**Hehe… this chapter took me so long to write… it took like, an HOUR.**

**How annoying.**


	17. Want Some Gauze For That Burn?

**A/N:**

**Oh wow!**

**Thank-you to ALL the people who sent me PM's saying how horrible my Dad is for doing that to me! (Read Profile if you don't get it).**

**Hehe, it's nice to know I'm loved.**

**"Want some gauze for that burn?"**

**-**

The other day, I burnt Kagura with my cruel, cruel words.

-

"RAWR!"

"...Burn."

-

It was really funny, because most of the stuff I was saying was about dear, sweet-

-

"KKKKKKYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"...Kagura. Please. I was meant to say that."

"Yeah, but it was my job to come in and yell it dramatically."

"No. Your job is to die."

"...Burn."

-

I mean, Kyo didn't care.

-

"I don't care."

-

And Shiggy didn't care.

-

"I don't know what's going on."

-

So I don't know why Kagura has to get all worked up over it!

-

"(slap)"

"EH!"

"If you love Kyo that much, you have to tell him properly!"

"NO. YOU HAVE TO COMMIT SUICIDE."

"...(sad)"

"Oh, buuuuurn! You some want gauze for that burn, Kag-ums?"

"(sniff) No..."

-

HAHAHAHA.

She's a ball suck.

-

"My balls?"

"No Yuki. Hatori's balls."

"(sad)"

-

I told a guy at school today I would suck his cock if he shoved it up Yuki's butt.

And that guy was-

-

"HAAAARRRRUUUUUU!"

"Rin! STOP TRYING TO IMPERSONATE KAGURA!"

"...Sorry."

-

Yuki wasn't too happy with me, but all in all, the rabid men who wank at the thought of Yuki getting ass secked were.

And that's what truely matters.

-

"You didn't make that up!"

"You have no proof!"

"(hands milk carton)"

"...(reads)"

-

_The other milk companies might not be to happy with us, but all in all, the proud drinkers of our milk agree that it's quite delicious. And that's what truely matters._

-

"...You suck."

"BURN."

-

So in conclusion, the chicken did not come before the egg.

-

"How does an egg cum?"

"How the hell would I know."

-

At times, Kisa can be quite stupid.

As if I would know such things.

-

"Would you like come gauze for that burn?"

"Yes please. House fires are dangerous."

-

w00000t.

-

The Mighty Authoress recently discovered something AWESOME.

-

No, not the miracle of sex, you're mistaken!

-

The miracle of...

TWINKIES.

-

"Previously, she didn't know what they were."

"Oh."

"They're cum filled rolls."

"...Oh."

-

Kyo decided not to eat Twinkies again.

-

THE END.

-

"The end?"

"Yes. It's the name of a song."

"About?"

"A tragic affair."

-

GASP.

-

WHAT A TRAVESTY.

-

"Do you even know what travesty means?"

"No Haru, but it sounds fancy."

"...I see."

"NO YOU DON'T."

-

I clawed out his eyes.

-

Rawr.

Fear my awesomeness.

-

Tohru awaaaaaaay!

-

(flies away).

**-**

**A/N:**

**w00t.**

**Another insane chapter of insanity.**


	18. I Just Can't Stay On Topic!

**A/N:**

**I haven't updated in a while. So here I am, with a new chapter inspired by a friend of mine. **

**You all know her as "Madison".**

**Anyways!**

**She's guest starring with Tohru today.**

**WOOT.**

-

"Someone save us! Heaven help us now!"

"Just because you're listening to that song doesn't mean you have to screech it as the first sentence of the chapter, Tohru."

"I don't recall asking you, Hatori."

"SHOO BOOMBALAKASHOOGADO."

-

Know what'd be cool?

Beastiality.

-

"Word."

-

And it's easy when you live with the Sohma's!

Because they're ALL animals!

-

"I'm not."

"Quiet Momo!"

-

That little Momo.

Have you ever seen such a cute little girl?

-

"Yes. I find Kyo cuter!"

"Kagums, please. Kyo a) isn't a girl, b) isn't little and c) doesn't like you. So go cut your wrists in the bathroom and drown in your own blood."

" ;; "

-

That sure showed her.

-

"Yep."

-

Anyway, back to the topic of beastiality...

-

"It's wrong!"

"Oh, who the hell are you?"

"I'm Madison, the Authoress' best friend."

"... I see. Who do you think you are!?"

"... I just told you."

"BURN!"

"SHUTUP KAGUMS!"

-

"Rawr! I am Kyo with a chainsaw! I've come to take your soul!"

"Why do you need my soul? You already have three! XD!"

"...(sad)"

"BURN!"

-

That silly Kyo.

Thinks he can out wit me.

-

"Are you ever going to get to the topic?"

"I don't know Hatori, are you ever gonna stop choking back your tears and just let them flow freely?"

"(girly voice) Oh, I just don't know anymore! (runs off crying)"

"...WTF."

-

HOBO'S!

-

"They're gross."

"Madison, I thought I told you to go away?"

"Nope. Scroll up and check."

"...You suck."

-

BEER!

-

"It's gross."

"Madison, you can leave now."

"Why should I? I have every right to be here. (huffs)"

"FINE! DON'T GET ALL PISS SHITTY WITH ME!"

-

SEX!

-

"It's also gross."

"(sigh)... Please, just leave!"

"DON'T GET FRESH WITH ME MISTER!"

"I'm female. Don't tell me you've been talking with Yuki..."

-

"Did someone scream my name?"

"Yeah, the whore in the bathroom with Kyo."

"... Oh. I thought it was you."

-

Yuki's silly.

-

DRUGS!

-

"Rock and roll?"

"No, Madison. You know ziltch."

"Pssh, I know more than you do!"

"Oh yeah!?"

"YEAH!"

"How so?"

"I exist, you don't."

"BURN!"

"SHUTUP KAGUMS!"

-

Kazuma wouldn't want any of this.

He'd want everyone dead if he knew what was going on right here right now.

-

"What are you talking about?"

"I don't know!"

-

"HEAR THAT SOUND! THE ANGELS COME SCREAMING DOWN!"

"Gerard, go back to your own story!"

"But the Authoress said-"

"GO!"

" ;; "

-

What is it with famous people anyway?

Thinking they can walk over everyone.

-

"Even their mothers?"

"Yes Kureno. Even their mothers."

"... Shock horror gasp. :o"

-

"Unicorns!"

"Mikey?"

"Sushi?"

"...?"

-

Enough about famous people, their mothers, sex, drugs, rock and roll and anything off the original topic!

-

BEASTIALITY!

-

"It's good."

"Yes Kyo. I know you like it."

"With you!"

"Good boy. Kitty treats for you tonight!"

"(meow)"

-

THE END!

-

"We waited all this time for a new chapter and the best you can give us is this steaming pile of horse shit?"

"Like to see you do better, Hiro."

"I will! (goes back to Angel-san)"

"... (scared)"

-

OMFG BANANA PEEL.

(slips)

-

**A/N:**

**Alright.**

**So... that was pretty random.**

**Just so you know, Mikey and Gerard will probably be in a lot of my stories from now on...**

**Lol.**


	19. Frankie is my Home Mama

**A/N:**

**This chapter is about Kyoko. And about Frankie Iero from MCR.**

**And about Frankie being Tohru's mother in disguise.**

**Dedication: For Cucumber-san, because I left Frankie out in the last chapter.**

**"Frankie is my Home Mama"**

**-**

I just decided on something.

-

"What might that be?"

"Shh, and I shall tell you."

-

TODAY!

In the supermarket.

-

"Yes, yes?"

"Shh!"

-

I saw my MOTHER.

-

"Isn't she dead?"

"Isn't that a dumb question Kyo? You killed her!"

"... (angst)"

-

Well, it wasn't really my mother.

It was just someone dressed like her.

-

"Who was it?"

"I'm getting to that Hatori!"

"Geez. Sorry!"

-

It was...

-

"Frank Iero's 15th birthday!"

"No. That was... Halloween..."

"I was close."

"Not in the slightest, Kisa."

-

Wait.

Kisa was close.

-

BECAUSE IT WAS FRANK IERO.

In a KYOKO HONDA COSPLAY.

-

"Gaaaaasp!"

"Yeah. I know. Say Bob, how's your solo project going?"

"It's great! Want my demo?"

"Sure."

-

Woo for Bob!

-

Anyways.

-

"Hello Tohru dear! I am your mother, back from the non-existent grave!"

"... Excuse me?"

"I'm here to tell you, I never died and I am here, walking the earth today!"

"..."

-

Yeah.

He seriously thought I'd buy that.

-

"Would you like to buy a cookie, deary?"

"No."

-

It was so funny when he took his wig off in public.

Everyone was like, "WHOA TRANNY DUDE".

-

"People say that about me too, ya know."

"Yeah Gee, everyone knows."

"... They do?"

"Yep."

"... (scared)"

"(ghost noises) I AM YOUR STAAALLLKKKEEERRR!"

-

So then Momiji comes up to me and is like, "Word.".

-

And that was dissin'.

-

"THAT'S IT."

"..."

"I'M GOING TO WRITE AN ABUSIVE SONG ABOUT YOU."

"Gasp! Anything but that!"

-

Yeah.

You know what happens when someone writes an abusive song about you.

-

So forgetting the whole, 'Frankie is a Tranny' thing, I got on to writing a song.

-

"I'm gonna call it... Momijilicious."

"Sounds like it's coming up well."

"That's not the only thing that's coming up well. (glances at crotch)"

"... (violated)"

-

I taught Kyo a lesson.

Haha.

-

"Momiji."

"Y-Yes, Tohru?"

"Sit down while I get my guitar."

"NO, PLEASE, NOT THE SONG, ANYTHING BUT THE SONG! I'M SORRY! I'M SO, SO, SORRY! PLEASE! NOT THE SONG!"

"... Have you been hanging out with Ritsu?"

"... I'M SORRY!"

-

Pathetic.

Just pathetic.

-

Just when I thought the lowest someone could stoop was dressing up as someone else's dead mother.

Momiji appears.

-

"You know guitar?" ((Yuki.))

"Yeah, after Frankie admitted he wasn't my Mum, he taught me a riff. Just a simple one."

-

"RIFF?"

"Yeah... a riff."

"WHAT'S THAT, A DRUUUUUG!?"

"No, Haru. It's a guitar thing."

"AWWWW."

-

Stupid drug addict.

-

Anyways!

BACK TO DRAMA!

-

"Momijilicious, definition, make dem boys go crazy.

Always claim they know him, coming to him, calling him Martin.

But he's the M to the O, M, I, the J, the I, (I as in 'igloo')

And can't no other man put it down like he!"

"GAH! (ears bleeding)"

-

BUT THEN.

TRAGEDY WITH A CAPITAL T STRUCK.

-

That's right.

Stacy "Fergie" Ferguson.

-

SHE STOLE MY FUCKING SONG.

-

So I went to the police, but they didn't care.

-

I went to the record companies, but they didn't want to listen.

-

So then, with my last hopes, I went to...

AKITO.

-

To be continued...

-

**A/N:**

**A CLIFFHANGER?**

**In this story?**

**That's right.**

**(gasp)**


	20. Bran Power

**A/N:**

**Yes!**

**Update spree!**

**Now Angel-san can masturrrrrbayate.**

**xD**

**-**

_So then, with my last hopes, I went to..._

_AKITO._

_-_

"h0Nd4 b334tCh, 5T34L3R 0F T3H Z0000D14C!!eleven!!??121211!!??"

"Yes. I do believe that is my name."

"What do you need?"

-

I tried to explain the situation to her in a calm and easily understandable fashion.

But she didn't seem to have the bran power to understand.

-

"Dude, you just said 'bran power'."

"I know. I was talking about bran."

"..."

-

"This bran has no power!"

-

See?

I told you.

-

"Akito, I really need your help! Fergie took my lyrics!"

"Gasp! The lyrics to the song you wrote about Momiji?"

"Yes!"

"The abusive one that put him in a coma for 6 weeks?"

"Yes!"

-

After a few hours of thought, Akito decided.

-

"I shall help you in what ever ways I can."

"Good, I need you to booty dance for Kyo and then wash Yuki's clothes while I sell crack to yo mama."

"..."

-

I plan to sue Fergie for all the bran power she's got.

-

"Should you sue for money...?"

"Shutup, Kyo! I can sure for whatever I want! And I want a life time supply of bran!"

"... I don't have time for this."

-

Has anyone ever noticed in their own stories Kyo and Yuki are so... mental... but when they come and visit me it's like they're so up themselves!

-

"I'd like to correct that."

"To what, Yuki?"

"We're not up ourselves. We're up each other."

"Yeah! You try being a bastard with a cock up your ass!"

-

TMI.

TOO. MUCH. INFORMATION. (bran)

-

"I've never eaten bran before."

-

Do you hear that?

Steph's never eaten bran before.

Isn't that sad.

-

"Dude, I don't even know what bran is. I accidentally typed it instead of brain."

-

xD

Like, t00tally.

-

I went to my court hearing, anyway.

Fergie was dressed as a slut, as per usual.

-

"Judge, yoo carnt givv dis liddl beeyatch all mah bran! Mah loonden, loonden brig will neva go down!"

"HAHAHA. At least MY London bridge has the bran power to lower itself!"

"..."

-

Yeah.

That's basically all I said in my defence.

-

"I find the defendent... GUILTY."

"Boot yyy, Judge!?"

"Because Momiji, the person the song was written about, gave me his purity last night."

-

At that moment, I promised Haru some of my bran so he wouldn't tell the Judge that he'd taken Momiji's purity almost four years ago.

-

"Stacey "Fergie" Fergison! You owe Tohru Honda all your bran!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO."

-

Yeah.

Who knew someone could be so close to bran.

-

"Can I just ask... why did you let a spelling mistake ruin the whole chapter?"

"Meh. Sounded like a good idea at the time."

-

BEBO IS WHERE IT'S AT, DAWWWGS.

-

Peace out!

-

"(eats bran)"

-

**A/N:**

**May the bran be with you!**


	21. The Story of a Perverted Girl

**A/N:**

**PLEASE READ THIS. IT'S SUPER IMPORTANT AND SPECIAL.**

**Yeah...**

**It's the last chapter of Tohru Poop Brains.**

**How dumb could a person be not to realise they finished one of their top stories?**

**About as dumb as me. Dukoro-chan.**

**Anyways.**

**Thanks to all the people who read and reviewed this story.**

**Look out for, "So Damned Emo: Something About Megumi Hanajima" and "Sh!tty Kitty Bang Bang: Behind the Baka Neko TWO!"**

**I came up with the title of the second Kyo one while writing this chapter. If you read it, you'll see why.**

**Wooo!**

**-**

Once upon a time, there lived a seemingly innocent young girl named Tohru Honda.

-

"What is this, a narration of your life?"

"If you'd shutup and read the rest of it, you'd find out, Hatori!"

"..."

"In a reader's survey, you're the most hated character!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!"

-

She used to live with her mother, until a guy called KYO SOHMA killed her.

-

"STFU! (emo)"

"You shitty kitty! Go bang bang!"

"..."

"Yeah. Go kill yourself."

-

From then, she moved into her grandfather's house.

-

"Hello, Kyoko!"

"Please, my name is T to the O to the H, the R, the U."

"And can't no other lady suck a cock like you!"

"Who asked you, Akito! Dumb whore..."

-

And then... she lived in a tent.

-

"My dog senses are tingling!"

"That isn't the only thing tingling. (points at crotch)"

"... (violated)"

-

After a Tragic landslide occured, Miss Honda moved in with the ever-unusual Sohma's; a family clan that can turn into animals.

-

"DAMN RAT!"

"STUPID CAT!"

"PERVERTED DOG!"

"DUMB COW!"

"... Yeah."

-

Before too long, Tohru started to meet the rest of the Sohma's, such as Kagura...

-

"KYO, MY LOVE!"

-

... And Haru ...

-

"Word."

-

... Momiji ...

-

"When I come in the club, step aside!"

"OH SNAP!"

-

... And of course Hatori.

-

"I'm a doctor, not a mechanic."

-

But before too long, she was whisked away back to grandfather's house.

-

"Oh, how I miss the sexual services I'd be granted for washing the dishes every night! This old bag can't even hold a ten second erection!"

-

All was not well at Shigure's house, either.

-

"Dear God! Shigure! Tohru's towel doesn't smell like her lower regions any longer!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

-

So Yuki and Kyo decided to get her back.

-

"Come home."

"Okay."

-

Life seemed fine, until Tohru's friends came for a visit.

-

"Uo."

"Hana."

-

They did stuff.

-

"Card games."

"Rice balls."

-

And... they teased Kyo.

-

"That isn't your natural hair colour."

"... Uh, yeah it is."

"Okay then."

-

Until...

-

"RAWR! I AM KYO'S TRUE FORRRRM!"

"AHHHHH."

-

Yeah.

-

"I shall always love you, Kyo!"

"... Super."

-

The end.

-

"What was the point of this chapter?"

"I don't know."

-

I saw Kazuma in the shower this morning.

-

"AHHHHH."

-

He screamed like I did when Kyo transformed that time.

-

"You didn't scream until later on that night."

"Damn straight."

-

And then... life seemed meaningless.

-

"BRAN!"

-

So, as a final word to the world... I say...

-

SCREW YOU, STACEY FERGISON!

Or if you don't plan to screw yourself, screw Shigure so I can make million dollar porn from it.

-

**A/N:**

**Totally.**

**That was a weird way to end.**

**But I thought it was SWEEEEEET.**


End file.
